Tara578 Apr 2004

There are so many great things happening in this poem...some really great line I LOVE the last stanza...still I think it can be cleaned up the images can be made sharper...cut out some of the narrative parts make us feel Cabbagetown not just hear about it. Also capitalize three to make it clear it is his name. An example of possibly a way to edit it:
Parties with dogs
who roam streets
chase cats
speak to eachother All NIGHT
They too were at your birthday party
everyone was there but you
not you THree you were in the hospital
there were no dogs there
your accident struck you down before your cancer could
Lifes a Bitch Three but you already knew that
People whisper its better this way My mom says it too
I still don't understand
I wish I had known you better

I don't know if that is cleaner but something along those lines would make this incredibly powerful poem even more powerful
Keep with this poem It will be GREAT