Replying to a comment on:

Darkness Falls On Tenement Twelve (Free verse) by Mona Lisa

The world orbits me here Hourly, once a day on a concrete plateau. Camouflaged on concrete I can turn gold The sky is never uniformed and each time I feel nothing I climb to the top of tenement twelve Lay on top of caged vents To breathe, feel, and see everything. I went to search for myself but only found myself losing my mind, I am the sound of the ocean you hear in shells Who can often be heard but never seen, Isn’t it absurd how I live is not how I dream? I will be magnificent in my own way And express myself by being quiet I have always had something yet nothing to say I do not deny it, For my inner darkness Never seems to set Only as a child did I know day.

richa 30-Mar-04/6:33 AM
First verse is very good, the rest falls apart a bit due to its reliance on abstractions, it also gets a bit self-absorbed.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001