Replying to a comment on:

Causation (Free verse) by fevriere

Looking out of the window, I am free The blank sky is everything to me and nothing. No thing can keep me this way. So far I've survived every day Every day with you in it Every day without you. Scrawling an essay fast, I am me The blank page needs these chains to be free. These things can keep me alive until That arrives. I survive Every day with you in it. Every day without you.

Shuushin 10-Mar-04/7:35 AM
Is not too bad, really.

I hesitate slightly at some of the rhymes (arrive and alive) in particular and a couple grammar issues (...essay fast - fast wants to be an adverb and is not) - and I'm usually pretty easy going with that kind of thing in poetry.

It does a nice job at conveying the loss




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001