hammer6 Mar 2004

ouverture should be overture - oevreture isn't either, shame.

'my lungs swell with a lipstick coloured fruit' - I do not know of any arctic purple coloured fruits. Also you lungs swell with a fruit???!

'my hips whitely overflow' - your hips overflow in a whitely manner? maybe a comma after whitely.

'metamorphosing maggot' - what does a maggot metamorphose into?

'december doesn't close' how about 'life, short and inflexible/december does not close.'