zodiac4 Mar 2004

This poem is good except for the overuse of 'as' sentence structures (because any use is overuse, since they are the most common sentence structures in web-published stuff,) and the phrase "transmissions of the news", which sounds really odd to my American ears. Also, have you thought of putting it in the past tense? I'm not bothered by the present, but I've been flipping through Poet's Market recently and seeing a lot of publishers' comments like 'Consider not submitting poems in the present tense' and so forth. Again, that's not such a serious criticism on my part, just a suggestion.