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The Commanding Disobedince of Words (Free verse) by daggatolar

And language, disagrees But with no feet to mount a calvary Crusading against us . We cross To bless our instrument of sin A load full of nails to hammer The other load of poison litany We are free from sin The commanding disobediance Of words To death on the cross We crossed A peculiar and unseen type of speaking A sin

Shuushin 22-Feb-04/6:04 AM
Well, I wouldn't go as far to say it is CLSish for two reasons, one - you actually say something here that is between the lines, two - I've read some of your other stuff and I know you are not of her ilk (but I can see how richa think so). Yours is more of a soldiers perspective, where her's is more of a - child.

So, this one: a few line breaks and line spacings would help quite a bit, imho. I suppose you stuck the lone period in there and ommitted any other punctuation for a reason - not feeling it. The string of capitals feels anagramatic... which would be interesting.

I like "They did not invite me", btw.




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