zodiac7 Feb 2004

"up field" could be "upfield" or "up-field".

The word "darkens" isn't right.

I feel like "nor him neither" should be "nor him either".

If that's not grammatical, it sounds better to me.

"pay it for the shooting"? The crow? Like a native american tradition, or just ambiguous wording - you paid with guilt for the shooting?

I don't feel like the repetition of "and" in the last sentence does what you want it to, which I can clearly see you trying to do. It would be just as well, maybe, with a period after guncotton and no and before my.

This is my favorite one of yours so far. You know how I love a good narrative. Bravo and tchuss.