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"In the Air" (Ode) by SmittenKitten

My head is spinning around And there is no one to bond with Its like a moon in my hands Glowing radically into my face I'm saying the words Even I dont comprehend Would you give me a hand To get off of this ground To run through this big crowd To fly up to the clouds Open up and look down On to the world With the eyes of a bird To look into my face Through a third persons eyes Please dont tell me the lies I dont want to be close To anyone in this world My heart's beating the rhymes My soul's bearing a crime Dont deserve all this pain Outside is a rain Running down the lane Am I going insane? I see sparks through the dark I sit down in a park Lonely with my dispair Waiting for a repair Of my beating heart In the shadow I see What I needed to breathe with Like a dove with an eagle Playing hide and seek And you cant even turn And you cant even blink One second passed by And the moment is gone You cant catch it again You cant hold in back Now you can turn your head And throw yourself back The cliff is only one step away Rushing blood through my veins And I'm not holding back Do I stay, do I go? And will anyone know My life just saw the end of its rope And I feel high and low As I scream in the air The wind's blowing my hair Tears running down my face Would this hell ever end? Will I see the land? Feeling under my feet Will I feel the heat? Of my barely there soul Will I ever know Strugles of my own world And the long curvy road Who knows where it would end But i do want to land So Lord in the skies Please reach down and hold my hand...

zodiac 7-Feb-04/8:21 AM
1) Not an Ode.
2) If we were ever for some reason to quote from this poem, then we would put the title in quotation marks. You don't. Quotation marks "dont" signify "emphasis", "boldface", or "italics".
2) Why don't you punctuate, or capitalize I's? Is it because it's easier? Do you think we want to read something you haven't put effort into? (also, can't is a contraction for cannot. Cant is what poetry without punctuation usually is.)
3) The way it slips into and out of rhyme is weird. Make it all not rhyme. Then you can say what you want instead of what rhymes.
4) It's cool in a Sunday youth-group folk-rock song sort of way how the "in the air" theme ends with "Lord in the skies." Not my taste, but probably somebody's. I hope you make these corrections. We get a lot of Lord-hold-my-hand poems here that are much worse.




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