<<<WARNING: long-winded miniscule grammar critique. All except blindpoetry should probably stop reading here.>>>
Okay... here we go:
(1) There should be punctuation between lines 1 and 2 (and so on). Line-ends are not periods.
(2) 'your' in line 2 should be you're, as in you are.
(3) Your maid (note possessive pronoun your) is a guy??? For poetry's sake, please make don't call him a maid. Or don't call a maid a he. I don't care if it is sexist.
(4) *What do these asterices mean?*
(5) Breathe is a verb. It rhymes with seethe. Breath is a noun.
(6) 'thats' should be 'that's', as in 'that is'.
(7) "It got numb from your coldness" is a ridiculous way of talking. It's like 'I got scared by your scariness.'
(8) Who's (note contraction) saying "Why are you like this?" Is that really how people ask if you're (contraction again) ok?
(9) *yells - why an asterix?
(10) "I get up, to my feet" - no comma.
(11) Who are you calling "Dear"? What is this even about?
(12) We capitalize I.
(13) Of all the things in this poem that don't make sense, "I'll just *yells: go outside and save myself*" makes the least sense. But I reiterate that there are a bunch of other things in this poem that don't make sense.
If you plan on saying that poetry is about feelings and not grammar, please take the exact opposite of what -=Dark_Angel=- said above as the opinion of myself and almost anyone else on the site and then go read the comments at the bottom of
http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=79015. Thank you for asking so nicely. I hope I've been some help.