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Jennifer Entire (Free verse) by Goad

The woman has in eyes lost an entire history in that dark behind waves in our endless sun (Oh California) we have retreated under trees under cliffs under fronds scattering light that woman in vast dark eyes entire her skirted knees undusted but kissed lips always away looking oblique and strong with sideways fast looks that fill me in entire history is unneeded details that history of a one apart watching that one part missing that makes a one entire what makes a one attached she is close on the damp grass seated in low tones speaking her fingered palms spread open in shade explained dark dark hair and eyes a one entire- ly apart yet some finger reaches through the space between eyes and I know you I know you I know you... There is the largest wave breaking in the sun such a tantalizing curl of blue-green glass and foam the ocean has pounded into the shore a trillion times entire though they two have never become one.

middenHeap 28-Jan-04/1:53 PM
I don't mind at all. If there ever was anything I held sacrosanct (unlikely) I simply wouldn't post it here.

now if YOU don't mind...
the part you say you can't make out, do you mean L.8-10? If so that's quite interesting, because this whole part was edited & expanded after the crucifiction on Eratosphere, in an attempt to provide some setting. It didn't appease them. : (

originally it was:

The woman has in eyes lost
an entire history in that dark
behind the waves in our endless sun
(Oh California) under trees we have retreated
that woman in vast dark eyes entire
always away looking oblique and strong
with sideways fast looks that fill me in
entire
...


do you think I should try and rework that part to have as much ambiguity as the middle, rather than less as I was trying?

the middle is massive ambiguity. I'm kinda proud of it, really, as an experiment -- it's not particularly easy to do. You can group the words in so many ways to make valid phrases.

I'm thinking about ditching the entire-ly. You're probably right. It's gimmicky and breaks the flow.

But anyway, you are the only person who has ever expressed any appreciation for this one. And I busked it, so it's been seen by hundreds of people. I don't remember ever selling a single one, though I stubbornly gave it a spot on my display for several weeks. I'm fond of it because I like remembering the girl...




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