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The woods house (Free verse) by zodiac

Winter came, driving the mice back in The woods house. They set traps — And he dreamed every night after that he’d be awakened By the killing arm’s flat snap, Impossibly loud in the dark, until he awoke. They caught the first one while they were Screwing. He heard, and Reached for the light. It was a bad near miss. Fur, Blood, stickpin eyes — and alive, burdened Top-heavy with the trap. They got smokes And walked unclothed around the house with things To spring the traps. He was shaken Each time, and tried not to show how he jumped when the springs Went. Then he put the hurt mouse in a sack and, Swinging it against the porch, broke Its spine. That bugged her, but her mood Changed thinking how scared he’d been, and she laughed her Old laugh later, untouching in the big bed. They screwed Sometime before dawn. They forgot rent, and the month after Forgot again on purpose; May came; When it thawed the mice went out and aired Themselves on the porch. It was spring, And his feeling that neither of them were quite there, In a house that’d vanished out of reckoning, Was always the same. All that summer and fall they wandered In the circling hills — the strange freedom of the forsaken, She called it, summer-lovely and fonder of Obscurity than he, who held his shaken Self to earth by repeating like a mantra I love her, oh at least I love her — Though if you’d asked, it would have taken Him a full minute to remember her name.

god'swife 27-Jan-04/2:21 PM
yes i read this and gave it a ten. I don't think of this as choppy at all. It's not so much an actual rythm I speak of , but more the why the words go together. Which in this poem is flawless. take the last stanza:

You have summer and fall which naturally flow together and all at the beginning of the line which ties into fall(all/fall).
They wandered in the circling hills(wander/circling).
the strange freedom of the forsaken. You see the words go well together- wandering circling strange freedom- freddom forsaken strange. it's hard to point out, but the words flow into each other and as the eye moves along the words echo back to the previous words. At the end you say 'I love her' twice, then in the last line you you say he cannot even remember 'her name'. It makes a difference, like a prayer or an incantation, it's not just the meaning of the words that matter but the sound of the voice in speaking them, the lull or crash of the vowels and the consonants. Like certain chords evoke certain feelings. It's so hard to express. It can't be forced. It only works when inspiration takes hold. There are tools, meter, rhyme, assonance, etc., but in the end it's inspiration that allows the artist to create. There's a word that's on the tip of my tongue, you know when actors get on stage and make it up aas they go along. Starts witht the letter 'I', I can't remember. Sometimes my poemes come, and then I have to go back and replace words or phrases with the appropriate ones. For example once I wrote 'He grew annoyingly afraid' but it was really suppose to be 'unknowingly afraid'. I think MEXICO has some great emotion in it, but it's not spellbinding like this one.




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