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I Go On (Free verse) by drumrgirl30

I keep my feelings to myself Emotions boxed up, on a shelf. My face may never show pain, though tears in my heart fall like rain. Cool as ice , on the outside I must be Never breaking, but solid as a tree. Bending slightly with life's wind Then standing straight and strong again. I save my tears and fears for the night, Keeping my pain and worry out of sight. Waking in silence with the dawn. With no word of complaint; I go on.

Matthew Bennett 27-Jan-04/4:11 AM
Dear drumrgirl30,

Taking into account the previous comments about your poem, I suggest you rewrite the first two lines as follows:

Except insofar as I post poems about my feelings on a poetry website called poemranker.com, I keep my feelings to myself.
Except insofar as I splatter my emotions around the Internet willy-nilly like some sort of deranged Harris, I keep my emotions boxed up on a metaphorical internal shelf.

This rewrite will no doubt improve your credibility and your reputation for accuracy. It will, however, render the rest of the poem redundant. Accordingly, I suggest that lines 3 to 13 inclusive are scrapped altogether.

Yours &c.

Enderby Throbbington-Smythe Esq.




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