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The Ballade of Hollis Browne (Lyric) by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.

Hollis Browne, he lived on the outside of town Hollis Browne, he lived on the outside of to-o-wn With his toilet with no paper and the outhouse falling down You looked for toilet tissue and you walked a rugged mile You looked for toilet tissue and you walked a rugged mile Your buttocks are so crusted that they don't know how to smile You pray to the Lord above oh please send you a roll You pray to the Lord above oh please send you a ro-o-oll Your empty outhouse tells you that you ain't a-got no roll Your bum is growing redder now, it's chafing on your slacks Your bum is growing redder now, it's chafing on your slacks Your spent your last lone dollar on seven sheets of wax Way out in the wilderness the lonely outhouse calls Way out in the wilderness the lonely outhouse calls Your eyes fix on the wax-paper that's hanging on the wall Your bum is a-bleeding and your legs can't seem to stand Well your bum it is a-bleeding and your legs can't seem to stand Your eyes fix on the wax-paper you're holding in your hand There's seven breezes blowing all 'round the outhouse door There's seven breezes blowing all around the outhouse doo-o-or Seven wipings ring out through the flush's pounding roar Seven lacerations on a South Dakoty bum There's seven lacerations on a South Dakoty bum Somewhere in the distance, seven people take a dump...

Matthew Bennett 27-Jan-04/1:28 AM
James,

I trust you saw my reply at http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=80284

My source (whose name shall not be revealed) has informed me as follows.

1. You got a First in the first year and a First in the second year but - to the disappointment of absolutely everyone - a 2:1 at the end of your degree. Well done!

2. You "read" Computer Science. Again, well done!

3. A significant number of girls in your year "fancied" you because they saw you as being "the strong, silent type". Well done!

4. You were splendidly rude to my source, whom you so pointedly ignored, even though you lived on the same staircase as him for a year. My source discloses that you would turn your back on him when he entered the communal kitchen and ignore him completely when he attempted to say hello. Well done!

Ha ha! I love this game! I am THE WORLD'S BEST DETECTIVE. A cable television channel should be dedicated to broadcasting unflattering images of my swollen face TWENTY FOUR HOURS A DAY.

But I am slightly upset that you have failed so miserably to discover even the slightest piece of knowledge about me. You haven't even been able to discover my real name. Perhaps I managed to throw you off the scent with an amusing instance of "identity theft". Could do better if tried harder. -10-




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