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Reconstruction (Free verse) by andrewjthomas

I’ve given up on great dreaming watching your beloved train wreck scatter debris – a ruin of start. Your stop signs bent rusted and knock-kneed, a gutter of promise and threadbare. This all feels pothole and picture portrait, with vignette colors standing out so lonely. I’m tired of rubble and five o’clock shadows at three in the morning. Sirens call out for validation and a truce of battlements while this deconstruction of residential zoning half-burnt brick and mortar shell shines. I loved you and your tired desolation – every pebble, every cornerstone crack. From the tip of your flagpole to the sepia sewage grate, I sing these battle hymns to Dixie, cotton and unbroken. But it just feels folktale, and near the end, when we heard the marching machine of man I knew you would never even give me the courtesy of rebuild.

zodiac 26-Jan-04/2:40 PM
The passage "while this deconstruction of residential
zoning half-burnt brick and mortar shell shining," doesn't form a clause. What happens "while"? I would understand if you meant for it to be like that, with the abruptness of "rebuild" and all, but if not it needs a verb. I would also take the "sweet" out of "sweet train wreck" and even (really controlling unsolicited advice here) drop the "and" from the beginning of that line and the "The" before sirens. It's really good otherwise. Don't think I criticized so much because I don't like it. You'll see I'm harder on the good ones.




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