Replying to a comment on:

Pilgrimage (Free verse) by Christof

On the steep bridlepath I sense there beside me My shadow which skips as I stumble and sweat Brushing through leaves, across streams, over stiles To see where you lived, where you worked, where you might Still live in your house in the wind and the mist At the top of the ridge is your house in a sunclap A golden dog barks at the touch of a ghost, A looming familiar figure resentful That others possess every sill, every lintel But the ghost is not you but my deepening shadow My strung-out ambition, my urge to connect And say Yes, we live on in the handshake of memory, Remembering others we are never alone - And a cloud shrouds the sun And my shadow shuts down like a TV at bedtime

god'swife 19-Jan-04/10:54 PM
I think you could do without 'But' at the start of the last stanza. Otherwise perfect. the best use of prepositional phrases I have ever ever seen.
the last two lines of the first stanza are beautifully constructed. A lovely percussion, well thoughtout wiht a terrific fallowt-through in the next stanza L2S2 is as pretty a thing as I've seen.

Sort of a cross between e.e. cummings and Dylan Thomas I think. Top-notch. (Do get rid of that first 'but' S3, the more I read it, the more out of place it seems) Kisses.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001