Poemranker [Replying] Thu Nov 21 19:25:03 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

Fake Happiness (Free verse) by WithoutLife

I look happy and joyful, But the look in my eyes shows pain. You hear a contagious laugh, But I sob in silence. The smell of my lotion fills the room, But it is to cover the scent of showering tears. Friends enjoy the sweet snacks of our get together, But numbness has seized my taste buds. I fool you with my warmth, But then you touch my ice cold hands. My secret is out

Everyone

9-Jan-04/11:06 PM

No, listen.

The reason your poetry doesn't work isn't because it "sounds like a novel". It's not because you don't have the right feelings. It's nothing to do with feelings.

It's because you don't put together words in any kind of pleasing way. You just mash them together in a melodramatic soup.

"Without meaning, what is poetry?" Poetry, as I said, is the "art of language". What painting is to brush strokes, poetry is to words. If you don't know how to use a paintbrush, you can't paint, no matter what sort of feelings you might have. If you don't know how to use words and how to fit them together, you can't write poetry, no matter what sort of feelings you might have.

Imagine if someone who had never tried to paint before showed you a terrible, incompetent painting and asked you for your honest opinion. Because you're being honest, you tell them it's ugly.

"But it comes from the heart!" they say. "How can it be ugly? All you care about is how it looks!"

Their reply is absurd, because painting isn't a competition to see who can have the best feelings, or who can draw the most "meaningful" picture. It has elements of that, but painting is painting because you paint. You have to have mastery of painting before you can express anything with it effectively.

You don't need feelings to paint well. It might be that you feelings to paint an artistic masterpiece, but before that you need to know how to paint.

Similarly: You don't need feelings to write poetry well. It might be that you need feelings to write a poetic masterpiece, but before that you need to know how to write. You need to have a mastery of English and the sound of language before you can effectively express feelings with poetry. You might not like it, but that's the way it is.

If you want to improve your writing, stop writing poetry and start writing prose. Read constantly. When you can write a decent sentence, then maybe you can start on poetry.

P.S. I say "fuck" a lot because "fuck" is an ace word.

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