Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack jump over the candlestick! (One time Jack was not so quick, And now he has a hairless dick) Jack you’ve got to take good care, When you jump the candle’s flare, For if you’re too long in the air, The flame will scorch your derriere! Jack be nimble, Jack be fast, When you jump the gaslight’s blast, For when you jumped the gaslight last, Your scrotum didn’t make it past! Now listen Jack, you need good speed, When jumping street lights is your deed, For if you miss the height you need— The bulbs will break and make you bleed! Jack go easy, take a break— Jumping’s not a piece of cake! Just think how long your legs would take, To heal again, if they should break! Listen, Jack, take my advice— I’ve jumped a candle once or twice… I’ll tell ya, Jack, it just ain’t nice, When your jumping’s not precise! Jack jumps higher, Jack jumps far, Jack can jump a speeding car! Jack’s a jumper without par, Jack’s a jumping superstar! Jack, you know I’ve heard them say, That jumping candles is passé— Oh, they were fine for yesterday, But now they jump the laser’s ray! Jack be nimble, don’t be slow, When you leap the laser’s glow, ’Cuz Jackie, if you jump too low, Your balls will surely meet with woe! Of being lonely, Jack was tired, And in his life a mate required, So a kangaroo he hired, Which jumped all night, and never tired! Once when Jack was feeling bored, He visited the psycho ward, The doctors there said, “Oh my lord! This one’s surely off his gourd!” “Jack,” they said, “You’re highly stressed, And we think you are depressed! We insist you take this test, To see if you should be our guest!” “Doc,” said Jack, “Let me explain: There are no problems with my brain! I don’t jump ’cuz I’m insane— I do it just to entertain!” “From far and wide folks come to watch, And though my jumping is top-notch, I know they’re wondering as they watch, Just what will happen to my crotch!” “Hairless Jackie is my name— And I’m the best at jumping flame! I’ve risked my private parts for fame— To lock me up would be a shame!” “We’re sorry, Jack,” the doctors said, “There’s something wrong inside your head!” If you don’t stop you’ll soon be dead, You’re safer here with us instead!” Old Jackie took one look and saw The whitecoats thought they were the law And though it surely wasn't fair They truly meant to keep him there So Jackie gathered up his legs (and wrapped one hand around his eggs) Then over Drs. Grimm and Creep Our hero lept a mighty leap. He ran and ran and didn't stop Or slow, the window through to hop He ran like lightning down the road His hand cupped o'er his manly load. In other lands he kept on jumping his nimble legs a'bravely pumping long past the time he should retire he kept on jumping over fire. No longer nimble, not so quick Jack still dared the candlestick he still took chances with his dick ever closer to the wick. but finally Jack dared fate too far like many another aging star fans watched aghast the ambulance car as they pulled him from the smoking char. yes, Jack is finished, Jack is dead, And this is how he died: (its said) Towards a candle Jackie sped— But timed it wrong and smashed his head.