Replying to a comment on:

Drag me Down, Deadweight (Free verse) by phbiscuit

Drag me down, deadweight I don't really care how far I fall The water is warmer where it is broken By the two of us floating along The pressure will build as we sink Squeezing our bones Until the dark depths envelop us With gentle snaps and delicate pulls Waves will sweep our bodies home Gliding through moonlight Sailing blissfully towards morning On one long, lovely road Our final memories will strike the shore Bleached by the Pacific sun Gathering admirers in the sand While we walk in the deep, dark cold

richa 31-Dec-03/12:36 PM
Not sure where the walking comes from in the last line, or the cold for that matter (you said earlier the water was warmer where you were together- a rather sweet line).

Also I find such fantasies both overdone and to a certain extent melodramatic.

Other than that this is really good.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001