Replying to a comment on:

The Vagabond (Free verse) by Caducus

A white man with black fingers Played a 5 string guitar in his strip lit subway. When the pavements were quiet He sang for himself. Accompanied by a whistling wind and curled leaves, Which sang for him in exclusive echoes, Something for a nothing in everyone’s nowhere. Queens and lions were crowned Shining on the lining of his tweed flat cap, Jettison of the richer man To buy himself a yield to conscience, Given to the poorer man Who only has time in abundance Who wears the elements on his face, Sun Rain Snow Wind And rain. As he walks to find his cardboard crib; The rain silvers his street Glittering his dead man’s mackintosh Making an unseen shadow shine, Beneath the urban gold of lampposts.

INTRANSIT 31-Dec-03/6:32 AM
Something for a nothing in everyones' nowhere. Brilliant. Small nits. I would make the leaves and wind
whos, they are accompanyment to the man. I don't like the duplicitous rain, unless it has specific meaning, explain? (Crib)is slang for house in America find something else please. I'm totally lost with the crownings. Sorry. "Jettison of the richer man" also brilliant. And I liked the use of mackintosh. I don't mind going to the dictionary at all. Even for this small stuff, the gross of it is velly goot, yah.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001