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Anvil man (Free verse) by INTRANSIT

You! Nine to fiver, grinder, anvil-man! You that waits still, for the masters' molten steel whip and the blows of an ever increasing workload. Hold fast your shape as he wields the work-blows and reply with the ever affirming clank as you have done since your casting. For I am the overtimer, grinder, mill-man whose teeth scream as I'm fed poor, bulk, rough material for shaping. I will hold fast my teeth as I'm forced to cut rough into smooth and I will reply with the ever affirming grind-scream as I have done since my build.

SupremeDreamer 30-Dec-03/12:16 AM
Earlier today I gave this poem a ten; reading it again, its still ten BUT

since I'm an opinionated asshole, I have some suggestions:

"searing molten steel whip" three adjectives make the flow buckle.. how about cutting out "searing" since we know its molten?



"Hold fast your shape, as he wields the"

Ending the line at "the" also causes the flow to stumble.. how bout

"Hold fast your shape as he wields the work-blows,"

making the next line

"and reply with the ever affirming clank"

and the last line of S1

"as you have done since your casting."


Thats all.








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