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bonsai (Free verse) by richa

The sun slopes from wide like a gentle hill, and is cradled by the branches of birch standing crooked like the crossed legs of a cow. The south side of the valley has been striped like sunburn, and the crumbs of soil are kindled like paper. The park ranger, green coated walks between beams of light as solid as a stream's constant water. With his secateurs he corrects the branches, walks back into the sun.

Shuushin 16-Dec-03/7:45 AM
Lots of really nice imagery.

I like the sun cradled by branches and ref. to crossed legs of a cow - nice way to express that black branches white body thing birches do. Maybe "calf" would express a thinner body??

At first I thought it was "crow", and I liked that for different reasons (easy way to show lots of small branches) - so, an option, I guess (I might use that!).

Hacksaw? Though you may be expressing a sarcstic point of view, universally bonsai refers to growing a plant or a tree in a dish or shallow pot (thats what the word means) - so, I'm having trouble with the title.

Forgive my rambling (again), but I could live with the title if the ranger were to make a very small cut with clippers or something, even on a full sized tree - in this way you could keep all of your well-made scenery.

Hey, maybe add a modifier to the title to compensate for the context?




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