Replying to a comment on:

Johnny Nasty (Free verse) by peotaster

The radio cries out of love and tenderness; as he gets colder and colder (a dirty bench doesn't offer much comfort) the people pass by and offer no change, his only companion is a beer and an old radio as it sings sweet melodies to comfort the soul, playing songs of sadness and tales of loneliness, the can of beer can only listen as the radio beckons to him; like a sage, he embraces the music if only temporarily if only through a drunken stupor, he is elevated to a place beyond the melodies entrancing him to leave the self for he has nowhere to go, nowhere to call home; all he can do is listen to the dreams dreams of a better day

newhowl 5-Aug-02/3:51 PM
Authors compassion for his subject is undermined by his distance from subject (use of the impresonal "he", "his", lack of insight) and the cliched language ("sweet melodies", "tales of loneliness", "like a sage", "dreams of a better day"). Also, opening line is not clear: the radio "cries out of love and tenderness". Either the radio is being given the emotions of love and tenderness or the sentence is wrong and should read "the radio cries out love and tenderness".




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001