Shuushin16 Nov 2003

"A hobble a cackle a wisp of chuckle" - that, I like alot.

couple suggestions, for what they're worth: the thing with nostalgic crumbs right at the start is tricky because you don't want the reader to stumble making sense of that (I stumbled a bit), then having stumbled

I hit "eat my brother" - is that a request made to the witch? Who's side are you on, anyway?

having said that - I think, after reading this, you might be on the witch side.

and I like that *idea*, but the poem doesn't quite convince me you are doing it on purpose.

Know what I mean? There's some good language and that awesome hobble-cackle line but I feel like it could be more.

if you are doing that traitorus twist, then it's worth making it more.

a hopeful -8-