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The Birth of an Incubus (Born a child of scorn) (Free verse) by SupremeDreamer

Crows danced with the children of scorn beneath a scarlet sunburst whilst an incubus babe was born- promptly given blood to quench its thirst. At dusk they feasted with ease; liquored were their lips of bloodlust, driven to beat those they could seize- some silenced with blade thrust. The celebration waned by dawn; fuddled were the children of scorn- mumbles began to fade into yawn. Sleep subdued the last by morn, ending the rite of a newborn.

Shuushin 8-Nov-03/5:29 AM
Hey, not bad! - that last line though felt one beat too heavy; a slight nit.

"children of scorn" was cute - made me think of children of the corn (natch).

Stylistically the yoderian reversal of "liquored were", and "fuddled were" works out since it's consistent in two stanzas - that I can handle. Sometimes it's overdone (no probs here).




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