loose breaks in connection disappearing to reappear traveling only to return breaking plans only to call once again months weeks days later next to the feeding meter I fed was a squirrel laying on its side eyes closed next to the sailboat washed ashore the ocean and the orange heart shaped rock that reminded me of you the one I most believed in called and left no message so I called the one I love and his wife and left no message it's been months and your message sang musically magically entrancing me your friend so I drew the line at that for you are strangely married and my baby, who left in anger called asking for bus fare home held up your ticket out of town as high as I felt low turned my smile into a frown because I knew I couldn't go finally, your Mississippi homecoming I always knew you'd disappear sadness in my heartstrings strumming searching for you to reappear look at all these layovers you said as giddy as a morning after no doubt I'll never see you again and no doubt you'll be back like all the rest of them driving home from work tonight I cried driving past your orthodontist missing your bad breath, smelly shoes on which anger sent you fleeing thanks for never saying goodbye goodbyes are always more painful the night after you left me the power went out and it was dark cold rainy windy and beautiful tea and candles inside someone's loft every time a train rumbles through in the dead of the howling night I can not help but think of you so wrong and yet so right the day you left was dark and cold the sky was black after sunset the silver ring with black etchings that you stole, wore and left me in my back hallway, your only trace every night that i spend under a waterfall running hot until it chills to numb the pain from those on lower frequencies pain from those living in anger from inside out hiding behind translucent masks of superiority forcing me to see through the insults to the injury baring witness to your slavish slovenliness surviving this life by threatening others installing dead bolts on the door of your secrets saying less and wanting more mildewing dog shit adidas stepping on my dancing feet