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Something Lost, Something Gained (Lyric) by Irischer Junge

You used to mean The world to me. You used to be Who I always wanted to see. We only had Shared one kiss, And now we have Moved on from this. Now I truly realize How much I really had, But all I can say Is that's too bad. We've still got each other As friends in Christ. He's given us The gift of eternal life.

nentwined 8-Sep-03/4:14 PM
I have to agree with EAger. Well, mostly. I'm not sure I'd really want to see a well-considered, artistic, [yadda]... but this isn't it in any case.

first thing to work on, in my opinion, would be the flow/cadence/rhythm. Really, for starters, count the syllables. adjust accordingly. I'd also either stick with a set rhyme pattern, or not--some of the ends are halfrhymes, some not rhymes, some... eh. (you're pretty good at rhymind b and d, but the rest are awkwardly not one or the other).

to work on the content itself... that just takes time/experience/practice/trying, I think.




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