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The Better of the Sea (Free verse) by abecedarian

Diesel fumes had weeks ago given way to an imposed and permanent silent drifting whose own mephitic lullabye repels all surprise. I slept bell after bell Rope after rope Fish after fish In my dirty cotton hammock Twelve knots of repair Mark my time away from home My boredom often permits a daydream where those same knots are no longer in my hammock but under the waters surface being dragged in our wake But by St. Osmund's testicles tonight that hammock got the better of the sea - knots undone, it dropped my rusting ass to the deck! And now as I look out over the water I swear I feel a breeze

eliastemplar 26-Aug-03/9:40 AM
I enjoyed your poem, and it held my interest. Not that I have a short attention span. I havn't owned a T.V. in eight years. With most poems, I read the first few lines and see no reason to finish. I think what they lack is a hook. Not like a hook in a Pop song, but the kind that makes you wonder whats next. I suppose it just boils down to creativity, weather it be what the poem is about or how it's told, there needs to be something unusual. Your poem was beautiful because it took me to a place I have not been. Thanks (10)




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