richa21 Aug 2003

Papa, how I miss you,
as I sit alone with a glass (of wine.)
((of)) summer Home Sauvignon Blanc,
the drink you always favored.

Your face would be in a book
as you slowly ate.
Michael Crichton, Dick Francis,
Clive Cussler, and Tom Clancy-
(Just a few of your favorite authors
in your large library.)

Blue-grey eyes would be hidden
behind thick glasses as you
quickly scanned the pages
(line for line.)

(Your mind) leisurely digested ((ing)) the words
with a silent appreciation.


I recall how annoyed you would get
when I asked what you were reading.

Your answers would inspire
a whole set of new questions.
Your patience (was) tested
as you calmly answered each one.

Learning quickly, I made sure
not to disturb you in your pure adoration
of fiction.

My eyes stare now at that empty chair;
your jeweled throne.

My ears miss (the sound
of) your quiet turning of pages,
and the gentle chimes
of ice colliding with glass
in that grapey ocean.

My soul misses the
wine that you sipped in
modest amounts, that bitter
royal beverage.

the single brackets I put in are lines that don't really add anything. The are redundant.
The double brackets suggestions to add.

When I say tighten what I mean is make the poem shorter so that every line is forced to extract the maximum poetic value.

Bear in mind though that with brevity you sometimes sacrifice clarity.