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Incomplete (Free verse) by Hostileintent

Some say methinks I'm paranoid, Paranoid to fight the void, The void that sleeps,the void who hunts, The void that preys,prays never- preys never tin the morn, Because we mourn,what those who have gone before Him,have borne. For when we are born, Some,He says,must die, That invalid wound of being a being, and for the rest, The megre,insignificant and wretched, ...Our foolish...- are foolhardy puissant individuals, And precarious fob eachother off as, Whose persona is not pellucid, Forget their ignorance-through the leviathan, So is it best,not to be the best, The distinctive,innate and innocuous, But just.....Ordinary

<~> 18-Aug-03/12:45 PM
L3: conflict in personification: that/who
L14: "And precarious fob eachother off as," makes no sense--punctuation might help, or redefine your meaning
L16: what does "the" leviathan have to do with anything? and since when is there only one?

if this were a vocab assignment, you would get 50%.

but i am not trying to be mean. just askking you to think to the best of your ability. it seems you are throwing up veils for the sake of the unlearned. set a tone and keep it. if you would be abstruse, be so throughout. have an even temper, sirrah. you strive to impress, methinks. instead, perhaps, you might strive to enlighten, or better yet, communicate.

no vote yet.




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