god'swife13 Aug 2003

But I can't see the forest for those analytical trees. Stop explaining, just tell. Either I get it, or I don't, but don't spoil the poetry/insight with (for lack of a better word)sub-titles. Funny, every time I want to explain myself to you I start speaking in personal little analogies and it just comes out muttled. It must be a sign.

Let me think.

In the eleventh stanza, you create this fabulous rythm in the first 3 lines;

The BUS was the BEST...
NiiiiiinTee dollars, RUOOOOOOUUUND trip.
From the Sagadahoc to the Hudson(great sounding line, really top-notch, and it's the Title, perfect)

and suddenly I'm dumped into the cold river of

I'd have to cover my height sick eyes.

First of all, what is, and why, a Heightsick? It's an obscure image/reference, but most importantly, it's an ugly-sounding word. Find a substitiute, get back in the flow.

Stanza 12, you don't need the word "then" at the beginning. At this point you're reminding yourself of the details, but the audience is distracted by unimportant things, like the word "then", it explains to YOU a sequence, but to the reader it just bores him, breaks up the rythm... well theres just no charm to it. Maybe that's just a personal thing.

I'm glad you think the bus just absolutely had to breakdown. Now think about why she couldn't stop it herself? Why did fate have to intervene? One reason maybe because sex is a force of its own. Now explain that to me, how the bus saved her because she would never be able to save herself. the thing is, you have to tell me the truth, your very own truth.

There is no quick fix here. You are old enough and experienced enough, good mother, to really explore. But on your boots and pack your knife, confront the fucking beautiful tragic reality of being human. It may take time, but you'll come back intact, and ready to tell me a story.