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Weeping Willow (Free verse) by LuckyJoe

Head hung in sorrow, Tears drip leaf like from its body. Drooping down to stir in water like fingers. The breeze through its hair doesn’t ease. Alone at line of shore, solitude, Limbs cut for whippings, Again to cry seeing, feeling infliction of pain. Still by itself it stands hunched over. Soil unfertile no longer can the grass grow. All friends long since died… Alone it stands, only to hear it’s own cries. The lake of tears slap up the bank, Erosion coming always nearer. Soon this willow will weep its last day, For it too will be with its friends… Submerged within the bay. ****************************** So to fit the wants of some people around here I tried writing this poem two different ways. I can't say I like the bottom at all. It took what I made the poem and made it sound dull, the above has a style and mind set of its own. The bottom just sounds copied and forced to be something it doesn't want to be. Lots of comments please, want to know what everyone else is thinking about the difference between the two and which is better. What needs working on... that sort of thing. Thank you in advance to everyone. ****************************** Head hung in sorrow, Tears drip leaf like from body. Drooping down to stir in water as fingers. The breeze through its hair doesn’t ease. Alone at line of shore, solitude, Limbs cut for whippings, Again to cry seeing, feeling infliction of pain. Still standing alone hunched over. Soil unfertile no longer can grass grow. All friends long since died… Alone it stands, hearing only it’s own cries. The lake of tears slap upside the bank, Erosion coming always nearer each day. Soon this willow tree will weep no longer, For it too will be with its friends… Submerged within the bay.

LuckyJoe 9-Aug-03/11:07 AM
If you want to get real technical being a high school drop out doesn’t make you any less intellectual than anyone else. Sure you’re more apt to be of a lower mentality due to that being the reason most dropout. However there are those who were intellectually stimulated enough to be bothered with the simplicity of school. For those the boredom sets in like rigor mortis. Dazing at the wall spacing off dreaming about the freedom outside the prison of school. That’s why I dropped out, went to alternative school and got to set my own pace. Was done within eight months.

Its not that I can’t understand the big words, I do. The whole Mr. Webster thing just complimented the statement above. Complimenting words and phrases, being a poet you should know all about that. Each line is meant to help one another in their quest of becoming a poem. Poetry is what has kept me alive and giving me a fighting edge in this life so it’s became part of my daily life. Being part of daily life means that its heard and shown in my dialect.

Pity me all you want, but know that I don’t need your sympathy or profound ideas made with blind contempt eradicating my life.

Have a nice day and again I thank you for your comments good or bad. Each comment gives me the chance to grow and better myself and my writing.




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