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Weeping Willow (Free verse) by LuckyJoe

Head hung in sorrow, Tears drip leaf like from its body. Drooping down to stir in water like fingers. The breeze through its hair doesn’t ease. Alone at line of shore, solitude, Limbs cut for whippings, Again to cry seeing, feeling infliction of pain. Still by itself it stands hunched over. Soil unfertile no longer can the grass grow. All friends long since died… Alone it stands, only to hear it’s own cries. The lake of tears slap up the bank, Erosion coming always nearer. Soon this willow will weep its last day, For it too will be with its friends… Submerged within the bay. ****************************** So to fit the wants of some people around here I tried writing this poem two different ways. I can't say I like the bottom at all. It took what I made the poem and made it sound dull, the above has a style and mind set of its own. The bottom just sounds copied and forced to be something it doesn't want to be. Lots of comments please, want to know what everyone else is thinking about the difference between the two and which is better. What needs working on... that sort of thing. Thank you in advance to everyone. ****************************** Head hung in sorrow, Tears drip leaf like from body. Drooping down to stir in water as fingers. The breeze through its hair doesn’t ease. Alone at line of shore, solitude, Limbs cut for whippings, Again to cry seeing, feeling infliction of pain. Still standing alone hunched over. Soil unfertile no longer can grass grow. All friends long since died… Alone it stands, hearing only it’s own cries. The lake of tears slap upside the bank, Erosion coming always nearer each day. Soon this willow tree will weep no longer, For it too will be with its friends… Submerged within the bay.

SupremeDreamer 9-Aug-03/9:30 AM
"However at the same time some people need to look at the art in form rather than what they themselves want to see and believe the form should be."


you dont get it do you? It has nothing to do with i think it should be you twit, im talking about HOW you write the damned poem.

Your telling me you cant challenge yourself to do better than just burp cliche filled melodramatic poetic drool? Are you saying that attempting to take your writing to the next level will destroy your "style and mind set"? YOU DONT HAVE A GODDAMNED STYLE KID!!! thats why the stupid "mind set" of the poem is crap, and looks like a poem made by an 8th grade student.

"Not saying any of mine are worth a shit..."

They might be worth a shit if you actually challenged yourself to do better, then maybe you wouldnt have people ripping your shit up into pieces...

stop crying about it and fucking evolve, or shut the fuck up and continue writing the same unartistic crap you've been fartin onto this site, thats ok by me, just dont do this whine routine.




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