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Weeping Willow (Free verse) by LuckyJoe

Head hung in sorrow, Tears drip leaf like from its body. Drooping down to stir in water like fingers. The breeze through its hair doesn’t ease. Alone at line of shore, solitude, Limbs cut for whippings, Again to cry seeing, feeling infliction of pain. Still by itself it stands hunched over. Soil unfertile no longer can the grass grow. All friends long since died… Alone it stands, only to hear it’s own cries. The lake of tears slap up the bank, Erosion coming always nearer. Soon this willow will weep its last day, For it too will be with its friends… Submerged within the bay. ****************************** So to fit the wants of some people around here I tried writing this poem two different ways. I can't say I like the bottom at all. It took what I made the poem and made it sound dull, the above has a style and mind set of its own. The bottom just sounds copied and forced to be something it doesn't want to be. Lots of comments please, want to know what everyone else is thinking about the difference between the two and which is better. What needs working on... that sort of thing. Thank you in advance to everyone. ****************************** Head hung in sorrow, Tears drip leaf like from body. Drooping down to stir in water as fingers. The breeze through its hair doesn’t ease. Alone at line of shore, solitude, Limbs cut for whippings, Again to cry seeing, feeling infliction of pain. Still standing alone hunched over. Soil unfertile no longer can grass grow. All friends long since died… Alone it stands, hearing only it’s own cries. The lake of tears slap upside the bank, Erosion coming always nearer each day. Soon this willow tree will weep no longer, For it too will be with its friends… Submerged within the bay.

thepinkbunnyofdoom 9-Aug-03/9:23 AM
Cliche are Ideas that are over used. Mostly anything classical is going to be cliche, because they are well tred words that have been used all to often, because someone saw them, or heard them and has repeated them. The thing about famous poems from the past is that they had there critics at there time too. I liked the point you tryed to make very valid, but this is today, not the days of yesteryear. I'm saying that its quite good, despite being cliche.




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