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Weeping Willow (Free verse) by LuckyJoe

Head hung in sorrow, Tears drip leaf like from its body. Drooping down to stir in water like fingers. The breeze through its hair doesn’t ease. Alone at line of shore, solitude, Limbs cut for whippings, Again to cry seeing, feeling infliction of pain. Still by itself it stands hunched over. Soil unfertile no longer can the grass grow. All friends long since died… Alone it stands, only to hear it’s own cries. The lake of tears slap up the bank, Erosion coming always nearer. Soon this willow will weep its last day, For it too will be with its friends… Submerged within the bay. ****************************** So to fit the wants of some people around here I tried writing this poem two different ways. I can't say I like the bottom at all. It took what I made the poem and made it sound dull, the above has a style and mind set of its own. The bottom just sounds copied and forced to be something it doesn't want to be. Lots of comments please, want to know what everyone else is thinking about the difference between the two and which is better. What needs working on... that sort of thing. Thank you in advance to everyone. ****************************** Head hung in sorrow, Tears drip leaf like from body. Drooping down to stir in water as fingers. The breeze through its hair doesn’t ease. Alone at line of shore, solitude, Limbs cut for whippings, Again to cry seeing, feeling infliction of pain. Still standing alone hunched over. Soil unfertile no longer can grass grow. All friends long since died… Alone it stands, hearing only it’s own cries. The lake of tears slap upside the bank, Erosion coming always nearer each day. Soon this willow tree will weep no longer, For it too will be with its friends… Submerged within the bay.

LuckyJoe 9-Aug-03/1:01 AM
I thank you for sticking up for me but there is no need. I've grown used to having every little thing picked apart. I kinda like it. Sometimes I don't have a clue what the people are really trying to say... but life goes on. If its soemthing related to my work it can only make me and my writing that much stronger. However at the same time some people need to look at the art in form rather than what they themselves want to see and believe the form should be.
Go look at some famous poems... these people would rip them apart too. Not saying any of mine are worth a shit... just trying to make a point and failing.




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