Replying to a comment on:
blue lilac and I (edit)
(
Free verse
) by
richa
sitting by the stream silvered in pike, and picking from still air the e-minor of trombone I could see the craned neck of blue lilac in shade bowl faced to the sun like a beggar, so succinctly put was its life and mine
Caducus
7-Aug-03/10:01 AM
Richa, I was thinking of Stanza one: silvered in pike could work but hatters has a point about the shoals. However it could work if you implied the stream was silvered by pike as the water was shallow thus - dying fish, trapped. You may be able to work with that but it may affect the brevity of the poem.
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