ecargo7 Aug 2003

As it is written now, the blue lilac and berry plant (bush? ewww, even typing the word makes me cringe--but I digress) are, syntactically, sitting by the stream, so, yup, needs some work there. Maybe get rid of "hid" for starters, so it's
sitting by the silvered stream of mackeral and pike (lotta fish in that thar stream--btw, it's mackerel, with an e, and I think they're salt water fish)
[and]picking from the still air . . .
. . . fields
the blue lilac and berry (maybe make it a specific type of berry and lose plant altogether?)
[lose "hid?" After all, you can see them, right?] under the trees
could be seen to crane . . .

Something like that? Or not. Not sure I get "put" their life and mine in this context--or, at least, not sure "put" delivers here.