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Aluminum Xena - Prima Ballerina (Free verse) by SupremeDreamer

-- twisted metal of aluminum cans forming the petals the skirt belonging to a scrap yard ballerina named xena my dream dancer resounding foot steps echos the sick cancer rust stains spread our xena missteps skirt silk razors sent sailing into the air naive pixies beware

EAger to Offend 15-Jul-03/2:43 PM
It's so slim that I feel guilty suggesting that you slim it down. But "...the skirt of a scrap yard ballerina named xena..." is just more flashy. Punch me if economy is wrong for this, but it seems that you're half way there already. "Naive pixies/ beware" is awesome. "Innocent..." is redundant, I think.
An 8 on great images alone. But it could be better yet.
P.S. Thanx for your comments on my stuff. I appreciate the honesty about Sorry Romance.




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