Poemranker [Replying] Thu Nov 21 10:14:27 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

Quiet whispers Sending slow shivers While under covers Slow visions of the past Present, and future The whirlwind of faces Old places of battle Like a calm serene field Green and beautifull But the scarred warrior Can only see the mud And blood seeping Deep into the earth From birth tormented All his pain he Could have prevented Yet.. perhaps it was A choice made for Wise reasons Lessons ingrained deep Into my unconquered mind All the tales and multicolored lives I find Bound to succeed at every cost The raw spirit applied wisdom And calm thought to itself All has been won long ago The illusion of time Was what required the path To play out

thepinkbunnyofdoom

30-Jun-03/10:37 AM

Emotional depth. Connecting with your reader on some level emotionally so that they want to read on(or in some cases don't). It can be used wake your reader up from a state of complete apathy and boredom. Angry Poems when written correctly tend to have the most force for a response from the storage house of chemicals we call our brains(for a good one that was mostly negative feedback check out my 'Mom And Dad' or 'Bad Mood', both were a little to angst driven but anger almost drips from them). Love Poems(which are for the most part boring and so mindnumbingly the same that they don't tend to work for the desired effect unless the reader is in the right mood) can be good but Overall Humorish poems work the best. I liked your Yoda poem because it was Humorish. Humor no matter how angry, or upset, or whatever emotional state we are in tend to be able to lighten our moods.

There is nothing wrong with a Mystical poem but most of the good ones I've read tend to be shorter and ask simple questions with complex answers that provoke more complex questions. Yours while thought provoking ask in themselves multiple questions, and/or tend to be too discursive. Stick with one subject(please not religion or religious teaching I beg you) and focus on that without over doing it. Yeah descrition is a HUGE plus, but there is a point when your going too far and it subtracts from your meaning.

philosophical/metaphysical thought (which is to religion to alot of people i.e. Buddist) doesn't have to be emotionless. Remember, Wonder is an emotional state too, and that is what you should be trying to get to. Might be a good Idea not to use words giving a sense of yourself pondering the questions you are possing. Such as "into MY unconquered mind". Just a tip, no offense but it adds redundancy to something that shouldn't have any.

I hope that was of some helpful value cause if not, I can't really explain emotional depth any better. Its just a connection. Connections tend to keep things interesting because if done right they make what your saying have a life of its own that begs to run its course, and hopefully come to a nice tidy end.

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