DreamerSupreme29 Jun 2003

seems like unsophisticated teenage angst has infected this piece.. "love kills ! no one recovers"... naive love that has lost touch with rational thinking is indeed painful when love sick dreamers suddenly open their eyes and see something completely different.

Just a little opinion concerning the subject matter. Oh, yeah: Pain and again, do not rhyme.. say the word seperately and compare.. they dont flow together.. just because they both end in ain doesnt mean they rhyme.

For some reason the way this poem its presented, the meter and rhythm seems forced.. I suggest you sit with this piece, and think of how to reword it. It sure wouldn't hurt to think of more creative rhyming schemes.