Replying to a comment on:

One Night Stand (Free verse) by Audaciouslilgrl

The softness of the kiss The intoxication of the touch The incessant heat The soft rhythm of body against body Pleasure and desire united all in one moment, But this is far from an act of love It is only a charade The momentary release A wishful ache That this were something more Than mere lust...

thepinkbunnyofdoom 13-Jun-03/1:16 PM
Yes, I think it sounds better but I still don't like the 'A wishful ache' because It seems to me that your saying the momentary release is a wishful ache, when I think it'd go better as 'With a wishful ache'. Still a -9- cause its very good.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001