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Touchdown (Free verse) by Mona Lisa

The pale killer, Embalms eternal youth, Preserved in memoirs and snapshots, Concealing the killer in a ‘Gap’ cap. Brevity was a constant friend, The excavation of courage, Living days on slow motion, Welcoming with a child’s smile the end. How does one define grief? The thickness in a salt throat? A room left the way it was, Preserving denial for tainted hopes? I know only this, He told me not too grieve, But I cup my hands across my womb, Where once he was mine and only mine, And smell the corners of his duvet in his room, Smiling at a photo, That captured him brilliantly, ‘Touchdown’ For Robert North.

god'swife 13-Jun-03/8:12 AM
My brain hurts. wow. Poignant at the end but difficult to follow at first, put me off a bit. That "'Gap' cap" thing you do at the beginning there is also a big turn off. Do you really need it? Can you make it, I don't know, more... I don't know. I think that line just needs to go. I'll look at it again later.
Overall I thought it well written.




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