Replying to a comment on:

Death Of A Rose (New draft) (Haiku) by Mr Pig

Petals fall like tears, The arid earth is washed In beautiful blood.

Ranger 26-Apr-03/4:04 AM
Sorry, my friend Mr Pig dude, but this is two syllables over for a haiku. Perhaps if you changed 'lacerated' to 'ripped', or even 'torn' (to go with 'thorns' albeit badly) then you will be 1 syllable under the limit (this is beginning to sound like we're talking about drink-driving now). Then I reckon you could turn the first 'like' into 'as if' which would take you to exactly 17 and would eliminate the repetition of like. That's my opinion anyway.
Aside from that, I enjoyed this haiku, the laceration and bleeding was well done, and you got the element of sadness spot on. Good stuff. I won't vote now, I will let you digest my thoughts and decide what you want to do and hopefully later I'll come back and take another look.




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