Ranger6 Apr 2003

Right, here it is. I've been thinking about this one a bit and whereas there's some good stuff I believe that you should try to inject some beauty into it. The bit that gets me is 'drowning pool'. That has no relevance to the poem. Use a better adjective-one that's more truthful or change the line a bit. What about "Tumbling under this troubled pool". Well maybe not that but you get the idea.