shoshi29 Mar 2003

This poem is written in a much more free, undetered style than your others, and I like that a lot. Details such as "Panties on the floor, a sock on the nightstand," were awesome and really generated feelings for me. But I think you should have used that more. Some of the metaphors and imagery didn't help me at all to grasp the feeling you were trying to get across, whereas, the details about what the narrator was leaving at home, really gave me something. I think also, some of the semicolons were unecessary. Overall, this poem is pretty good, but it would be better if you'd kept the freer language flowing throughout.