Poemranker [Replying] Thu Nov 21 18:32:13 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

Heard have I the unspoken truths that sit bold yet incognito lost 'tween your lip and my cheek. Many times you've presented me your mystery or thrown it in my path knowing my habit to cast downwards glances. And so I shall once more feign bewilderment, mock wrestle the knots inside you, take to bed early with just a dry kiss and no nightcap. This charade it pleases you, silences and stares, wasted meals, sentences unfinished I have played unwitting student each time. your chill has solidified Something molten that Inside me did flow. So tonight when beside me You lie and sense a change in the linen or the light or the heat in the room, Gradually you might realise That it is my pillow that's different. It is dry.

Roisin

28-Mar-03/10:24 AM

I have no skills? Thankyou for your advice but I think that is a bit of a sweeping statement about my whole ability as a writer don't you think?
I know that this poem i9s not very good, I wrote it stoned off my face and simply put it on here to get some constructive advice. I knew that there was
a problem with the final image but i had a bit of a mental block and just shoved that line in at the end to give it
some temporary finishing line. You have previously commented positively on my poetry and so this barrage of (as I see it) not
quite insulting and borderline abuse comes as quite a shock. While your advice is somewhat useful several of the revised lines
that you suggested misunderstand the voice and theme of the poem. "I will walk your trail" suggests an image of
following someone's lifestyle, doing things in the same way that they do them where as it was supposed to get across a
sense of following, shadowing a person. I will continue to redraft this poem as is the only way to improve a piece
of work. Please remember that all art forms, including poetry are subjective. The notion of being 'skilled' surely is an objective claim
and cannot be legitimately applied to a subjective practice. Feel free to have that line you invented 'curled like an autumn leaf waiting to die' because a) it
would be totally incoherent as a similie in this poem and b) A curled autumn leaf would already be dead thus the image of it waiting to die would be nonsensical.
Finally, yes I do know what I'm talking about but the question is do you

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