A Clearer Lucidity 1/30/01 Flames of confusion, rising above, and swallowing below to consume, the contradictory nature of all, the doubt of the future doth loom. Ahead in the sky, the clouds turn to dust, and as prophesized, it all falls to waste. Offering nothing, but giving it all, for it is only a matter of taste. The future ahead, is the past yet reborn, we've been told and still do not listen, for no reason known, we deny all we know, and offer no inquisition. Thank you for giving me, this endless ignorance, I can use to dig my own grave, I needed it dearly, I fear I was found, it feels good to know I'm not saved. Please open me up, and fill me with shit, I dearly need the old feeling. There is nothing worse, than seeing a light, and to somehow bind that revealing. Swirl the dirt, and choke me with mud, the self-mutilation is cleansing, I wish to be stripped, and bound by hard coils, and anything else so offending. You make me nothing, and I thank you for everything, and I don't even know who you are. You somehow allow me, to look so far away, and yet I have managed this far. Please take me back, into my camp, and allow me to view this sad ending, Apocolypse be damned, and I spit in your face, amongst your praise and commending. Show me green fields, burnt to the ground, and poor rodents left choking on ashes, You have no hidden value, and I find you disgusting, yet I see you in every new fashion. You are everything old, and everything new, and I thank you for telling me so, In order to cash in, on all my belongings, you force me to view this whole show. And as I awaken, and stare at blank ceiling, I feel as if missing an organ, Perhaps from the swelling, in the pit of my stomach, that shows me it wasn't important. Eyes wide shut again, staring at sky, a black and pale blue nightmare, Coyotes and rabid, animals bound, leaving me dead, caught amidst his cold stare. Walking this dreamscape, I fly to the freedom, I find amonst my hid mountains, Yet you found them before me, and desecrated my home, my trees, and unshowing fountains. I peer ever yonder, and make haste to the side, showing a slight glimpse of new feeling. Bound by the notion, that what I am seeing, is only what you are revealing. Damn you for cleansing, me with your urine, thank you for making me blind, however you cannot, defeat new lucidiity, that I have discovered and you let me find. I must grab my paintbrush, and reclear this sky, I must defeat these old feelings of pain, I must give life to animal, those dead and those hidden, and help my dream to regain, the feeling of flight, I came here to have, and bind the weakness that allowed, you to bring black, and hurt to my dreams, and to create those God-awful clouds. And yet I wonder, if this is MY portrait, who are you that I speak to tonight, Are you myself, who I've tried to escape all along, and yet made my passenger because of my fright?