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Blue Fuckin' Moon (Free verse) by lastobelus

Then he's got his god-red little footsies hanging off the dock smelling out the little fishies staring at the moon. Stone-black caught in silhouette, go go go amber glint, we are swimming 'round a bottle, laughing TV commercial Faulkner doom, pass the pass the back 'n' forth ass, the peach-girl throat caught in sudden beauty-- ok, laugh the random fractal beauty of it all: there it is, the sweet liquor moon, same one 200-odd nights a year, 4 billion years running. Crystalline, her sweet pie lips in big O, falls off the dock and disturbs the great white swath into a zillion tiny ripples and I laugh a strong liquor gurgle into the dying throat of the world. Crystaline floats away on her back and the moon shadow goes still again-- then Louie waves his "god my damn feet hurt" tootsies in the water, playing a little game with the blue fuckin' moon.

lastobelus 17-Mar-03/2:16 AM
Please tell me more. I wrote this in two minutes from start to finish without even so much as an image in my head before I started, years ago, and though I've looked at it many times haven't changed it except to add an "a". I don't know where to start.

Response to it read out loud is pretty good, all that syncopation, but it failed in print (on the street at least) and I always wondered why because for me it's one of my favourites. I'd love to make it work, if I had a clue how. Problem is it works so well for me inside my own head that I can't step outside and see where it's not working for the non-me reader.

What jumps out to you as obvious influences, apart from the overall tone being charles B.-ish? I had always felt all the images were fairly original??




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