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The Poet (Free verse) by wLeBlancw
He smithed the words from The anvil of his pen Like coins spilling in piles of thought. His dog lay at his feet In deep, regular breaths Of contentment. The sun was setting and rising On his life in shortening Sentences of people who Came and went through decades and minutes. All things had become music In notes only he could hear And see as folly and love. Death, then, was no longer The dreaded machine Coming, always coming. But, rather, a sweet darkness Like the dog sleeping at his feet Pulling him into the eternity of his life.

Nanshe 11-Mar-03/10:17 PM
No. One too many 'at his feet"s.

Try to wean out the things that sound poetic; focus on the idea that inspired the poem instead. this could be cut in half, and be better still. Besides, you are just responding to my voice. You like it. No one likes their own, at first. Remember the first time you heard yourself recorded? How strange it sounded? How you cringed? It is much like that. Be certain. Fill nothiung. Pare away. Marianne Moore said that poetry is about real frogs in imaginary gardens. Show me warts and mucous! I want to smell the musk, the mud.
I have looked at your other poems, and I am not certain what you were trying to do with them, so I shall leave them un-commented-upon.




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