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On coming across a field of deer one afternoon (2) (Free verse) by <~>

Snap! Attune and pivot: A lithe and muscled escape, A whirling melee of grace, Spryly sprung over tumbled bramble. Crash! The tide ebbs, in haste, uphill: Ten tailed in tiny white flames Of ermined retreat. Run! To dun on dun: Gone.

lastobelus 11-Mar-03/3:29 PM
mmm the comma's bug me too. But I disagree with ranger that line 4 is too long. Tumbled bramble is great, it's like physical onomatopoeia. great 8.




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