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Past (Lyric) by Dostoyevsky

An empty cup with no bottom, In an dusty room, lies her empty soul, Like a solitary apple thats rotten, And me the lowly maggot hole, Finally, slowly the bell tolls the time, And a peasant sits with his heart in tatters, Humming, lost to the towers chime, The infinte illusion shatters, Random images and thoughts in a fractal pattern, Emotions revolving like colours in a wheel, Thinking of my moon, my saturn, The one that dosn't feel, She, the empty cup, the room, illusion, Is real to me, the impetious youth, That i made her fit my delusion, I cower from this hidden truth,

<~> 7-Feb-03/2:19 PM
well, you end it with a comma. and what happens to you when you cower from the hidden truth? and why is it hidden? and who is the peasant? and who is the dreamer? and where does the cup with no bottom lead to? and why has it no bottom? is it always full? no. it is always empty. does her soul suck away at you?
these are some of the questions you leave unanswered. while it is fine to leave things unanswered, you need to give me one solid thing i can hold onto. and you just don't. your thought are scattered here. collect and organize them. and then re-write it.
and check your punctuatuion! the flow could be very effective with the right markings in place.

does that help at all?





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